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JCnaeChut4rang
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Name: s a m i / jane
Country: United States
Birthday: 10/11/1988
Gender: Female


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AIM: JCnaeChut4rang
MSN: menospeak1011@hotmail.com


Member Since: 2/9/2002

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NoRtH CaRoLiNa YwAm 2004
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Cornell University Class of 2010
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Wednesday, April 01, 2009

today's class topic for HD
What is personality?

as of right now... it kills me that i cannot be the person i am expected to be... and when i know i have the potential to hurt someone, i remove myself.


Sunday, November 02, 2008

From Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest

From Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest

Discernment of Faith

"'Faith as small as a mustard seed...'" - Matthew 17:20

We have the idea that God rewards us for our faith, and it may be so in the initial stages; but we do not earn anything by faith, faith brings us into right relationship with God and gives God His opportunity. God has frequently to knock the bottom board out of your experience if you are a saint in order to get you into contact with Himself. God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith, not a life of sentimental enjoyment of His blessings. Your earlier life of faith was narrow and intense, settled around a little sun-spot of experience that had as much of sense as of faith in it, full of light and sweetness; then God withdrew His conscious blessings in order to teach you to walk by faith. You are worth far more to Him now than you were in your days of conscious delight and thrilling testimony.
Faith by its very nature must be tried, and the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God's character has to be cleared in our own minds. Faith in its actual working out has to go through spells of unsyllabled isolation. Never confound the trial of faith with the ordinary discipline of life, much that we call the trial of faith is the inevitable result of being alive. Faith in the Bible is faith in God against everything that contradicts Him - I will remain true to God's character whatever He may do. "'Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him'" - this is the most sublime utterance of faith in the whole of the Bible.



God... whatever your plan is... even if it is to take away... please help me to endure and be faithful...



Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Lord is God - Deuteronomy 4:32-40

32 Ask now about the former days, long before your time, from the day God created man on the earth; ask from one end of the heavens to the other. Has anything so great as this ever happened, or has anything like it ever been heard of? 33 Has any other people heard the voice of God [a] speaking out of fire, as you have, and lived? 34 Has any god ever tried to take for himself one nation out of another nation, by testings, by miraculous signs and wonders, by war, by a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, or by great and awesome deeds, like all the things the LORD your God did for you in Egypt before your very eyes?

 35 You were shown these things so that you might know that the LORD is God; besides him there is no other. 36 From heaven he made you hear his voice to discipline you. On earth he showed you his great fire, and you heard his words from out of the fire. 37 Because he loved your forefathers and chose their descendants after them, he brought you out of Egypt by his Presence and his great strength, 38 to drive out before you nations greater and stronger than you and to bring you into their land to give it to you for your inheritance, as it is today.

 39 Acknowledge and take to heart this day that the LORD is God in heaven above and on the earth below. There is no other. 40 Keep his decrees and commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the LORD your God gives you for all time.


Monday, October 27, 2008

Lamentations 3

 1 [a] I am the man who has seen affliction
       by the rod of his wrath.

 2 He has driven me away and made me walk
       in darkness rather than light;

 3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me
       again and again, all day long.

 4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
       and has broken my bones.

 5 He has besieged me and surrounded me
       with bitterness and hardship.

 6 He has made me dwell in darkness
       like those long dead.

 7 He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
       he has weighed me down with chains.

 8 Even when I call out or cry for help,
       he shuts out my prayer.

 9 He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
       he has made my paths crooked.

 10 Like a bear lying in wait,
       like a lion in hiding,

 11 he dragged me from the path and mangled me
       and left me without help.

 12 He drew his bow
       and made me the target for his arrows.

 13 He pierced my heart
       with arrows from his quiver.

 14 I became the laughingstock of all my people;
       they mock me in song all day long.

 15 He has filled me with bitter herbs
       and sated me with gall.

 16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
       he has trampled me in the dust.

 17 I have been deprived of peace;
       I have forgotten what prosperity is.

 18 So I say, "My splendor is gone
       and all that I had hoped from the LORD."

 19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
       the bitterness and the gall.

 20 I well remember them,
       and my soul is downcast within me.

 21 Yet this I call to mind
       and therefore I have hope:

 22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
       for his compassions never fail.

 23 They are new every morning;
       great is your faithfulness.

 24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
       therefore I will wait for him."

 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
       to the one who seeks him;

 26 it is good to wait quietly
       for the salvation of the LORD.

 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
       while he is young.

 28 Let him sit alone in silence,
       for the LORD has laid it on him.

 29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
       there may yet be hope.

 30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
       and let him be filled with disgrace.

 31 For men are not cast off
       by the Lord forever.

 32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
       so great is his unfailing love.

 33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
       or grief to the children of men.

 34 To crush underfoot
       all prisoners in the land,

 35 to deny a man his rights
       before the Most High,

 36 to deprive a man of justice—
       would not the Lord see such things?

 37 Who can speak and have it happen
       if the Lord has not decreed it?

 38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
       that both calamities and good things come?

 39 Why should any living man complain
       when punished for his sins?

 40 Let us examine our ways and test them,
       and let us return to the LORD.

 41 Let us lift up our hearts and our hands
       to God in heaven, and say:

 42 "We have sinned and rebelled
       and you have not forgiven.

 43 "You have covered yourself with anger and pursued us;
       you have slain without pity.

 44 You have covered yourself with a cloud
       so that no prayer can get through.

 45 You have made us scum and refuse
       among the nations.

 46 "All our enemies have opened their mouths
       wide against us.

 47 We have suffered terror and pitfalls,
       ruin and destruction."

 48 Streams of tears flow from my eyes
       because my people are destroyed.

 49 My eyes will flow unceasingly,
       without relief,

 50 until the LORD looks down
       from heaven and sees.

 51 What I see brings grief to my soul
       because of all the women of my city.

 52 Those who were my enemies without cause
       hunted me like a bird.

 53 They tried to end my life in a pit
       and threw stones at me;

 54 the waters closed over my head,
       and I thought I was about to be cut off.

 55 I called on your name, O LORD,
       from the depths of the pit.

 56 You heard my plea: "Do not close your ears
       to my cry for relief."

 57 You came near when I called you,
       and you said, "Do not fear."

 58 O Lord, you took up my case;
       you redeemed my life.

 59 You have seen, O LORD, the wrong done to me.
       Uphold my cause!

 60 You have seen the depth of their vengeance,
       all their plots against me.

 61 O LORD, you have heard their insults,
       all their plots against me-

 62 what my enemies whisper and mutter
       against me all day long.

 63 Look at them! Sitting or standing,
       they mock me in their songs.

 64 Pay them back what they deserve, O LORD,
       for what their hands have done.

 65 Put a veil over their hearts,
       and may your curse be on them!

 66 Pursue them in anger and destroy them
       from under the heavens of the LORD.


Tuesday, October 07, 2008

who am i... to hold a grudge... am i not unrighteous just like the ones who hurt me?
the world tells you to forgive and forget...
but God, i ask that you take me beyond that... to take on a heart more like Yours... to forgive and love even more than before.

i am a person who easily hurts and gets even more easily hurt.
but there is no difference between the thoughts that are conceived and the thoughts that are uttered through words... in His eyes, they are all thorns that pierced through us and pierced through His Son as well.

who am i to hold this in my heart.
i ask for the strength and courage to heal, let go, love, and trust once again.


---

side note: 7 years is a long time... but why do i still wake up with a scream...





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